Random Thoughts of A Cowboy and His Lasso
This may sound a little crazy, but hang in there with me will ya?
Marriage is Hard.
No, I’m not divorced today. I often find myself teetering on the edge of possibility, however. Nothing and no one can prepare you for marriage. Not even when you have lived with the individual beforehand. It’s like some magic switch is turned on the minute you say I do, and the person who you used to know, is no more. And you have to start all over again. Only this time with different expectations. As a girlfriend, you’re a partner, you’re a friend, a lover, someone to experience life with. When your title changes to “wife” you turn into the obligation, the caretaker, the counselor, the accountant, the child-rearer, and someone to “share” your life with. And that difference, experiencing versus sharing, is where I have been struggling as of late.
See, when I was just a girlfriend, we got to do things. Have fun, hang out, go on trips, our money and lives were still separate. Yes, we were serious and committed to each other, but it was a different type of serious. The type of serious where an argument wouldn’t cause me to stray into the arms of another, but it would end up with me sleeping alone, in my own bed, in my own home. Marriage serious? Well for starters, if you want to sleep alone there is no more “own” home, more like “ours.” And if you aren’t fortunate enough to have an extra bedroom, that “own bed” turns into “our couch.” And you have to work it out. You have to. Because the girlfriend can spend some time alone at her home cooling off, the wife can only walk by you too many times in the kitchen in silence before she feels like she is about to explode. And if she does explode? What then? Where does she go? Where can she go? It’s as if upon signing the marriage license there is some invisible lasso that reaches out and binds you and your spouse together, squeezing tight with no room to breathe. No room at all. (In my mind the lasso is wielded by some big, floppy hat-wearing cartoon cowboy, with boots that have big spurs that spin like pinwheels. I watched a lot of cartoons as a kid).
I’m sure these sound like the bitter ramblings of someone who is disenfranchised with the whole idea of marriage, but it’s actually quite the opposite. Not only do I believe in the sanctity of…
